I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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