ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
