@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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