In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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