I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
