I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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