You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
