I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
