Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
dude i'm inner monologue high
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
