too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
