Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
