My friends, they love my intelligence
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
