fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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