Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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