and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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