playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
