Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Randomize
