I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
