I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He has the fingertips of a God
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