evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
