um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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