So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
