i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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