I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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