no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
