Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
