i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
