i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
