Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm getting married
To pizza
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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