Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
