remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
