Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
