I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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