I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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