I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
