Pappa wants mamma naked
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
