I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
