Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
