I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
