The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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