There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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