Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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