i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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