well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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