I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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