I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
