i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
