Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
