just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
