I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
