Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
